I hate stuff!

It's been a while since I've had one of these little rants. I guess now is as good of a time as any to let of some steam. But, before I get stuck in I want to let you all into a little secret. I write these diatribes on the back of a simple, singular concept. That concept is usually derived from a single emotion about a single circumstance. To enhance that statement further lets just clarfiy that the emotion is usually frustration and the circumstance is what usually passes for life. This time it's different though. Don't worry, I'm not getting wet in my old age. In fact it's quite the opposite, I can't settle on a single frustration because there are simply too many of them. I'll start in a completely random place and end in another completely random place, but rest assured in spite of the lack of order these following statements are concerned with what I currently at the time of writing believe to be... the most annoying things on the planet!

So, lets kick off with the single biggest festering boil on the asshole of life. Reality TV. It falls down on 2 basic principals, those people are in no way real and watching them complete some pointless and futile act is not TV. It would seem then that this should be a moot point. "If they are that pointless then they wouldn't be made as no one watches them, it's simple supply and demand.". This is of course where it all falls down. People can't seem to get enough of this tripe and it seems neither can producers. With us rapidly approaching the 1000 channel universe the broadcast media have an unprecidented supply of outlets to feed us the same regurgitated nonsense... all the while the 'Hello' reading masses bang the button desperate for a food pellet.

The worst offender has to be X-Pop-Idol-Star-Academy-Factor. Not only do they manage to tie up two completely seperate 1 hour slots on a Saturday night with their own special festering bag of detritus, (Of which the sum total of useful and informative segments could be shown in about 15 seconds.) they also pump out another 3 or 4 hours worth of 'behind the scenes' and 'backstage' cack on the other 3 ITV channels. So, to sum up... talentless, mindless drones line up in their thousands to perform acts that until recently would have been outlawed by the Geneva Convention. Presiding over this stream of shite is a panel of 3 'judges' who quite frankly should be the first against the wall, revolution or otherwise. Some sick demented individual then records what can only be described as an artistic and mental clusterfuck and then to add insult to continual torture and injury they show the bloody thing on as many channels as they can without ruining space for adverts. Am I the only person who has a problem with this?

Whilst I'm on the subject TV. "Lost" ...I mean honestly, what's the fucking point? There are entire forums of people that sit around all day debating the reason and drive behind the show. The myths and mysticism of this rambling excuse for a drama seem to stimulate the internet bottomfeeders to partake in all sorts of debates and arguments as to who is who and what is what and what will happen in the end. I, Spooky, can now let you all into the chilling and heart stopping truth about Lost. They're making it up as they go along you dumb fucks! Why do you think every bit of flashback and 'back story' is in the episode that it relates to? Because the produces can't even manage to create a decent conherent story let alone a MOTHERFUCKING TIMEMACHINE!!

Ok, let's move on before I explode. Online gamers are complete and utter wankers. This is a sweeping statement so to the small pocket of people out there who this unfairly encompases I'm sorry. To the rest of you seriously damaged individuals - Would you all just cock right off! It never ceases to amaze me how low an individual will sink to achieve a ficticous number that apparently means they are better than you. Any sort of trick or tactic that can possibly be employed to give them 'an edge' will be undertaken regardless of the impact to gameplay or other peoples enjoyment of the game.

We'll come at this with a few simple statements. Claymore's are not designed to be thrown. Anti-Tank weaponary will more likely kill the firer than the target if fired at point black range. 200 million dollar fighter jets are not flying bombs. People can't see through walls. Shooting members of your own army to get vehicles is not acceptable. No one runs in excess of the speed of sound. Unless of course you happen to be playing BF2 on a public server in which case scrub all the previous statements. It's getting to the point where casual players aren't even bothering to play anymore because of the antics of these 'pr0s'. Ok, they're using these 'advantages' to win. That in itself is pretty annoying however it doesn't compare to the fustration caused by their attitudes when they do shockingly enough win.

Being a lame bastard seems to automatically give you the right to be a complete cock about winning when it's your hacks and exploits that deliver the goods. You're using an aimbot? You got a headshot? Be sure to scream at the top of your lungs that you 'totally no-scoped that n00b prick'. Speed hacks? Knifed the entire opposing team to death 2 seconds into the round starting? Be sure to annouce that you 'totally pwned you fucking n00bs' Did you use a never ending stream of resupply crates to squash the entirity of the opposoing team? Wow, I guess we all just 'g0t served!' That's just fucking great!

I would love to meet just one of these people in real life. I bet they're exactly same offline as online. Selfish, whiney little sociopaths with serious inferiority complexes and very very tiny penises (Ok, the last one is a bit of a stretch but penis envy is a real and documented disorder... plus we all know it's probably true). These people need to win so badly that they'll even destroy their own sense of fun for a sense of superiority. It's sad and pathetic so that of course means that it's on the rise! Gaaarrrgghhh!!! Next!

I hate religion. It's true, I detest it with ever fibre of my naturally selected being. Throughout the history of human existance there has been this tool to control the masses and there have always been the blindly faithful to jackboot those poor heathens/infadels who don't agree into line. Just in case you're getting twitchy that I'm about to unleash my venom on organised religion, potentially attacking your version of an imaginary superfriend, relax this is targeted at a whole new religion. The cult of Linux. There are similarities to the big organised hypocracys, for instance each religion has it's own figure head... in this case 'Linus Torvalds' (or Richard Stalman if you so wish). Then there is the holy offspring... 'The GNU/Linux Operating System' and then you have the big bad guy. This is who everyone is fighting the good fight against. Here linux differs from every other major religion (and some minor ones too). There is no Devil in Linux (they couldn't steal that from *BSD), it's everyone else, ever.

If you don't use linux then you're either a n00b who doesn't know better or unbelievably you have chosen to side with your particular flavour of evil. OMGZ LINUX IS ABOUT TEH FREEDOM HOW DARE YOU USE ANOTHER OPERATING SYSTEM!!!11!!1oneone!!!2121eleventyone!!1. Oh yes, the irony of that outburst is not wasted on me! GNU/Linux doesn't offer you anymore freedom than a wodgeload of other 'free' (Free as in speech, as long as that freedom doesn't undermine the point I was making.) operating systems. Free seems to equal GNU and that's not free. You've just chosen to back another one horse race entirely, not entered another pony in the 'evil' OS monopoly derby. You'll notice that I haven't actually said anything about the Linux operating system itself... and I won't. I wouldn't want facts to interfere with a perfectly good moral crusade to convert the world to 'the one true operating system'. Now if you'll excuse me I'm off to pollute as many forums as I can with my mindless trolling. Then I've got to post in completely unrelated newsgroups, derailing threads and generally 'spreading the good word'. I must blurt facts and figures without basis whilst attempting to vocally bully anyone who disagree with me. I'll make such an annoying cock of myself people will have no choice but to use Linux. News flash asshole! Your brand of indoctrination by destruction didn't work in the crusades and it wont work now. Let people use whatever operating system and licensing model they like. That's freedom! Let people make a decision based on their needs, I'm sure sometimes that Linux might even come out as the right answer. But if people feel comfortable paying huge piles of money for second rate software then you have no right to judge them nor can you change their mind with bullshit and annoyance. Why don't you all just stay at kernel.org/linux.org/gnu.org and comp.sys.linux where you all belong, you dirt peddling trolls!

Right, I'm spent. I can feel 'the throbing vein of stupidity' pulsating against the inside of my skull and as much as I'd love to have an anurism I'm going to knock this on the head. Thanks for listening and if you didn't enjoy it please take consolation in the fact that it hasn't made me feel any better at all.

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