YOU DONT KNOW SHIT ABOUT BLACKHOLES
I'd like to start this off on the right foot by stating for the record that everything Dr Steven Hawkins says is wrong at the most fundamental level. All of his 'theories' rely on an archaic (mis)understanding of what gravity is. Read PMI's excellent YDKS for a more realistic grasp on what gravity is and isn't. We now resume normal programming.
Black holes are one of the most enigmatic puzzles of the 21st century. Only now can we at int13h reveal the truth behind this most destructive force. The most important element to grasp is that black holes, or in effect singularities, have bugger all to do with gravity. There, we got that out of the way. Now if you?re still with me lets continue. Black holes are in fact caused by the natural effect of pornography. In order to explain how this happens I have to explain to several separate theories that when combined produce this devastating effect.
Theory One. The infinite porn loop.
Porn attracts more porn. Its a fact. Look on your hard drive, do you have just one dirty piccy or just one filthy movie? Of course you don't. You've got gigs of the stuff you filthy bastard (bitch). Now I'm sure your thinking that they are there by choice. You firmly believe that the only reason you have such a 'complete' porn collection is because you've got the 'm4d pr0n d0wnl04ding 5k1llz'. Of course, you are wrong, but you now realise this fact... that?s why you're here. Anyway, basically there is a latent 'magnetic' force within all porn - be it mags, videos, digital medium. It's there. But the flux it generates only affects other porn. Now, I'm sure at some point you had an extensive magazine collection that was kept under your bed in case of emergencies. I know I did. And I'm sure that at some point your mother found the aforementioned 'stash' and disposed of it. Where did that porn go? I can assure you that at no point did that illicit material ever reach your local landfill or incinerator. Sure the refuse collectors took it away but before it reached its final destination the pull of a greater mass of porn attracted it. It's then that it becomes one with these great balls of porn.
At this point you're going to make the argument that your current porn collection isn't changing size itself. You are neither gaining nor loosing pornographic objects. This is a completely futile point and not worth arguing, Allow me to explain. Your porn is contained - be it under your mattress, in a video case or inside a hard drive casing. The flux that porn produces on the whole is weak and of a very short 'wavelength' and as such cannot effectively penetrate other objects (Think alpha radiation and sheets of paper). However porn left uncovered will travel very easily through both air and a vacuum to attach itself to other porn. Here's a small experiment for you to try. Leave a porno magazine outside your front door before you go to bed this evening. Upon waking in the morning you will find that the magazine will be gone. It has begun its great journey to join all other porn in the large porn balls that litter the universe.
Theory Two. The Existence of light.
Like many things light doesn't exist until we experience it. I'm not going to go into any great lengths arguing about quantum theory or the theology attached to this subject. I don't have to. This pretence is very easily proved in a very simple experiment. In order to conduct this experiment you will need.
i. Functioning ocular devices.
ii. Functioning eyelids.
iii. A large solar body.
Look (not directly) at the large solar body. You will notice that the apparent light illuminates your surroundings. Now if you close your eyes your surroundings are no longer visible. As far as you are concerned the solar body has stopped producing light. However the nuclear reactions within the solar body are still taking place so what is happening to all the extra energy? Because the light is no longer needed it is converted within the reaction to heat. This can be proven in that any parts of your skin exposed to the reaction feel warmer than they were with your eyes open. Try it. Heat will pretty much always exist because we have no choice but to experience it. We as a species cannot successfully shut off the nerves in the epidermal layer.
Theory Three. The mesmerising effect of porno.
This is a very simple theory and requires very little discussion. Everybody, ever, in the history of the universe is completely and utterly unable to not look at porn. Regardless of sex, persuasion, colour, creed, species there is porn catered for your need. If at any point some of the 'compatible' porn catches your eye then you are mesmerised by it. This isn't you being a pervert this is your natural response to an irresistible force. This effect too is testable. If you are unlucky enough work in an office try this. Open some very explicit hardcore porn on a colleagues computer. Observe how for the next few minutes both your colleague and any casual passers-by are ensnared by its effects. This is known (well it is now) as the beaver-stare.
The black hole effect.
Now think for a second how all of these theories are combined to create a black hole. You can't... or if you have you are probably wrong. Here's the beef on how it really works. A small amount of 'lost' porn is aimlessly meandering about emitting lots of porno-flux. Eventually as time passes other pieces of porn are attracted to this piece of porn (or the other way round) until you have a collection of dense porn. As greater time passes more and more porn is attracted to this now denser porn. This process continues for eons until the porn ball becomes so dense that no uncovered porn can escape its flux. At this point the porn collection reaches critical mass and collapses in on itself producing a point in space of extremely explicit material that no life form can ignore. The merest glimpse of one of these porno super-clusters is so alluring that the observer ignores everything else that is happening around them. All the time that they are transfixed by the porn they are no longer observing light. The light they should have been experiencing no longer exists thus these single points appear to be totally black. No light ever enters a black hole because any light that should collide with it ceases to exist due to its non-event?ness. Therefore no light ever escapes a black hole. Remember the energy we spoke about earlier that is funnelled of into other types due to the non-needing of light? Well this abundance of energy can dissipate in many ways be it heat, sound, or in some extreme cases it is converted into matter. This newly created 'proto-matter' is attracted to porn and has many fruit like properties. So, at the centre of the porno super-cluster is a completely separate entity that provides the 'gravitational' effects that everybody else is so caught up on.
So there you have it. The definitive explanation of black holes and not once did we resort to rubber tablecloths or 'the perfect universe'. The theories used are easily proved and the effects can be witnessed on many levels. Hopefully the information in this file will be used to greatly enhance the rest of mankind?s knowledge of black holes and singularities. Primarily, their possible use as a power source or a form of propulsion cannot be ignored. The ability to control light and the knock on effects of gravity control, if harnessed will elevate man to the next level.
Remembering of course that you don't know shit about black holes.