So you think your down with the cyberpunk ethic. You've got the dysfunctional family, the spiky hair and face that looks like you fell head first into a vat of staples. You've even got your part time McJob and you spend all your free time whacking off to pictures of Sarah Michelle Gellar and cybering with some fat sweaty minger you found in #anal_love_mess.

But you want more? You wanna be truly down with that 'net scene. You wanna be a l33t. You've got the look, you've got the attitude now by following our simple guide you too can reach what is know to the supreme few as l33t-ness.

What you talking 'bout fool?

It ain't no jive boyee, its smack. Smack talking is a key element to achieving l33t-ness. If you can't type l33t how can you be it? The key here is to convey what your saying in the most unreadable, illegible nonsense you can get away with whilst still retaining your illiterate Generation-x-ness. Have you ever noticed how many of the symbols on your keyboard kind of resemble letters? Have you ever noticed how some numbers look kinda like letters? This is the fundamental theorem behind smack talk. Why use conventional alphabet to accurately display the English language when a collection of random alphanumeric and symbol based combinations will do.

Its all about the alphabet baby

Okay, we'll start with a very common phrase -check out your fonts folder =0) - 'The big brown dog jumps over the lazy fox'. This is a good example as it uses every letter in the English language. In smack it looks something like this:-

7h3 81g 8r0\/n |>0g ju/\ps 0/3r 7h3 l@zy f0x

You'll notice instantly the respect this commands and the intense fear this has unleashed in the pit of your stomach. This is the sole aim of Smack talk. You are ready take your first steps to l33t-ness by replacing letters with numbers or symbols. But whoa there before you start congratulating yourself there is still one more important stage we have to cover.

Say what?

Nonsense, its a powerful weapon. What better way to confuse and confound the lamers (ll4/\4s) than by talking absolute drivel. Mis-spellings, non words and abbreviations, when applied with smack talk will show others that you mean business. The best way apply this element is by stringing some smacked up words together to build an easily memorable phrase. One of the most popular of these l33t phrases is :-

j00 5uck 1 r00lz j00

There are of course many variations you can apply to this phrase. For instance j00 sukz0r3z I 0\/n3z j00

And now the end is near...

As we bring this int13h guide to end I'd just like to say that in compiling this editorial I have had the misfortune of speaking to some of the most stupid people every spawned. They are the true l33t, they are the kings of their digital domain, they are riding the technological pulse, they still live in their parents loft downloading pictures of Buffy and think that their dads AOL dial-up is K-Rad.

So to all these people, the true l33t, I say this...

Get a life, get a dictionary and learn to type, oh and I do want fries with that.


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