Bunch Of Pants

Greetings kiddies and welcome to Ask Spooky. The part of the int13h domain where I bestow upon you, the needy masses, my sage advice. Despite this section being new I have infact recieved 2 replys. None of which were fabricated by me I hasten to add... Although thats not to say they weren't fabricated by somebody else. Anyway enough of this meandering codswollop and on with the letters.

Dear Spooky,

My swimming cap, although functioning well as an aid to streamlining (along with removal of all my body hair), leaves a pink, indented ring around my head where it is too tight. I am worried about making my afternoon toilet, because now I have a pink indented ring at both ends.... will poo spill down and get in my eyes?

Nervous of Northampton

Well Nervous this a common complaint amongst professional matress masticators and mountain horticulturalists. The pink ring is caused by the compression of the epidermal layer bringing the capiliaries closer to the surface. Now although this shouldn't cause turd to leak into your occular cavities you can never be to cautious. During your toilet moments I'd recommend handstanding on the rim and allowing the faeces to run down your back and into the bowl. Thus thoroughly avoiding the eyes. Alternatively by merely purchasing a larger swimming cap you could overcome the entire situation and avoid unsightly skidmarks down your back.

I'd recommend the following 'swimming cap'.

Dear Spooky,
My pants are too tight how do i fix them?!

Bob ' small pants' Macoy

I think Bob, it's important to not worry so much about your current pants. It's time to move on and up. Sure you had a lot of good times in your old pants but you've grown up and matured and so have they. Just because they were the right pants for you then doesn't mean they're the perfect undergarment for you now. Take a big step and find youself some new pants.
I have a couple of fine suggestions here, here and here.

Thats it for now readers... keep those questions comming in to Ask Spooky. You know you it makes sense(tm).

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