w00t! w00p!

"You'll never taste the flowing waterfall of life if you can't accept the odd mouthful of piss."

This of course has nothing to do with w00p but everything to do with Zen. That doesn't prevent it from being disgusting and completely without merit. Don't panic, none of that is worth worrying about now. We've got far more important things to dicuss and only a few lines of ASCII to do it in. Set your ferret decoders to 8-N-1, we're going in at full throttle. That should keep those Soup Panda's out of our pockets.

What is the w00p?

Unfortunately nobody can be told what w00p is. It is the response to the world that has been scrunched up and inserted rectally to blind us from the truth. (Any resembelance to any 'Matrix(s)' is purely intercontinental). Have you ever had a dream that was so sureal? How would you know that the carpet monkey was asleep or awake? This has nothing and everything to do with w00p. Yet is it not Zen? No, probably not. But if we all say it is, ergo does that not make it so? Reality is merely the name given to the trousers that cover the bollocks we call life. Folicularum de testiculum et w00pium. Transaltion: w00p and the hair from my scrotum. Don't attempt to analyze this, merely accept it as fact and pass me the Blavod.

w00p is the totallity of nothingness and the nothingness of totallity. Only when you have grown a little goatee, worn a berret and listened to Jazz will you truely give a damn about anything I have just said. w00p is the very escence. Without it, life is but a series of predetermined accidents that befall a cast of obliviousness and ignorance. But we cannot blame the French for our shortcommings. Instead we must target our search inwards. We must look deep inside ourselves to understand the very nature of w00p. w00p is w00p, this is not an excercise in recursiveness it is a fact. Listen to the words as you say them and understand that w00p is w00p and nothing more. What else could it be? Everything has limits, even the limitless... there I go again. Talking bollocks. Yet as easily as you let the imagery of vocal gonads wash over your consciousness so must you embrace the skunk-weasle defribulation motor that will show you the way.

Now to show you exactly what I mean with this handy dandy(tm) demonstration.

Nightmare: "d00000d my farts reek!"

Spooky: "w00p!"

In this situation you can see that despite all external influences the true joy of the moment hasn't escaped me. I can appreciate the passing of nightmares methane in a way that the un-enlightened cannot. And what pray tell is the expression to show my all encompasing one-ness. w00p. It is the answer to the question that drives us... w00p is w00p is w00p.

However, I see that you are still in need of more teaching... then consider the following situation.

Voodoo: "spooky, the only Coffee we have left is Hot Java Lava"

Nightmare: "Do we still have milk?"

Spooky: "w00p!"

To the un-informed it would seems as if I am apathetic to the entire situation. When in truth I have merely elevated myself above reason and accepted the situation for its merits. This isn't to say that Voodoo and Nightmare have not, they are merely concerned with continual intake of caffine. For all we can prove they have already become one with w00p before the situation reached this point. This is where only true masters can excel. It is in the understanding that w00p is not confined by the linearness of our existence. w00p is w00p. You'll see that it keeps cropping up from time to time and yet you still do not see the elegance of it all. The only complexity is in it's simplicity. If you begin to read too much into it you will never find the end you are looking for. Yet, accept it for what it is and you will find, my friends, that you have no journey at all. The answer was already with you.

Like choosing your character in Street Fighter Alpha 3, you must understand that there are many different sides to w00p. For me to show you only one side is for me to leave you vulnerable from many others. It is true that many of the greatest Samauri also wrote haiku. They also did flower arranging but you wouldn't call one poof to his face. Anyway I digress, in order to make this experience 'rounded' I must allow PmI to bring you his own standpoint on w00p.

-PmI steps in and looks at the ascii lines so far-

I see Spooky has tried to inform you on the essence of w00p. He's right of course, and as he so interestingly claims, there is more than one face to w00p. It would be folly to try and explain to you the full scope of w00p, for this can only be attained through insight. A good example of this would be the following:

Spooky: "You're not drunk?"

PmI: "w00p!"

Notice that this is significantly different from the w00p you have seen up to now. Not so much being an subtle remark on the brevity of the situation, w00p is here used as an existential remark. Now I realise that your sitting there staring at the screen raising an eyebrow because this might be too much w00p in one go. Just remember that in order for you to understand the w00p, there has to be some sort of basis for you to learn from. We are still exploring the various ways in which w00p can be utilised. You must start to forget the function of being a word, and must move more towards embracing the fact that it is not this, but more a manner of describing the state of the world and in fact, the universe.

One would be tempted to once more draw a line with Zen. Wouldn't w00p be a way to unify the universe in a single expression and perchance by doing so enlighten oneself through usage? The answer is no. The usage of w00p can not be done to attain the enlightment that explains it's usage. The only proper usage of the w00p is when the insight has been reached.

Compare this to the contrasting usage:

Nightmare: "I totally owned that shitty dutch server again"

PmI: "hehe"

Nightmare: "I totally owned that shitty dutch server again"

PmI: "w00p!"

Notice the difference in usage here. In the first scenario, PmI (playing himself in this scenario) is confronted by Nightmare (doubling as himself) about the fact that nightmare did some short-term owning. PmI responds to this with his trademark non-generic chuckle. He knew nightmare did well, and shows this knowledge. However, compare this to the second incident. Here, nightmare implies the exact same thing as in the first scenario. However, PmI here demonstrates his ability to fully understanding the meaning of nightmare's owning. While it seems to be identical, it is actually a comprehension on a level that can not be reached by language. The fact that w00p is captured in what would normally be concidered unpronouncable in one syllable ascii is a testimony to this.

Enough of these examples. There is no more to show, the w00p must be shown some other way to you. I shall try, as has Spooky, to explain w00p in it's fundamental meaning. Were there no words to describe the world in, there would be w00p. w00p signifies the deeper understanding found in most things, the secret layers of meaning to be seen if one tries it's best and succeeds. The w00p will not be revealed for it is not hidden. The w00p will rather be, and wait for you to observe it's phenomenon, It's inherent existence in all that is remarkable in the more literal sense of the concept of remarks. This does not mean that you can find w00p in everything. Rather, there is w00p. I fear I have lost you. Perhaps spooky can elaborate on the issue by approaching it from an earlier paradigm.

-Spooky catches a glimpse of the still very bemused reader though the patented 'Moo-onian mind fiddle'(tm) technique and decides that the world is not yet ready for what w00p has to offer.-

Thanks PmI, but I fear that we are floggin the proverbial dead horse. We can no more expect them to understand the many subtle fragrances of w00p than we can know the history of every grain of sand that gets stuck to your icecream when you drop in at the beach. But where will this lack of comprehension lead the un-inspired mindless sheep that make up the masses? Even at the end of the universe, where oblivion is assured, w00p will be ever present and yet invisible in it's chosen form to those who cannot grasp it's truth. They will cease to exist and their light shall ever be extinguished. But for those who can embrace it shall exist forever having become one with w00p.

So as every dog has it's moss and a stitch in time ruins the broth so too must this Guide To come to an end. It was inevitable really... still what can you do? I need more alcohol, PmI needs more coffee and if you are still here then you probably need somekind of psyciatric 'assistance'. Anyway, bollocks to the lot of you.



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