*DARTH VADER Vs. JASON*
Realname: Anakin Skywalker
Age : 50's
Height : 6'6"
Weight : 300 lbs.
Weapons : The force / Light Saber
Realname: Jason Voorhees
Age : 50 yrs
Height : 6'2"
Weight : 250 lbs.
Weapons : Machette / Hockey Mask
Pre match comments
Spooky : Hmmm, now this is a toughy... but I think I'm gonna have to side with everybody?s favorite undead machete wielding psycho. Even though he's gonna get whipped.
Nightmare : Well that makes my decision quite simple, Vader it is. So why do you choose this Jason Character then?
Spooky : Don't get me wrong, if it was against anybody else in the competition I'd have Mr Voorhees tagged as the winner. He is the ultimate unstoppable killing machine. He really has no idea what the phrase 'Give Up' means. He's insanely strong and resilient but none to bright so this should be quite a brutal match up, and you never know... lucky machete shots do happen.
Nightmare : ....
Spooky : ....
Nightmare : *Nightmare nudges Spooky* Ehhemm
Spooky : What?
Nightmare : *Nightmare glares at Spooky*
Spooky : ohhhhh yeah!.. so why are you choosing Vader?
Nightmare : Well I am glad you asked that Spooky, The answer is simple.. the force and.. well he is the bestest. On with the scrap!
Voodoo : Hi guys!
Nightmare : ....
Spooky : ....
You join us looking over the very peaceful waters of Camp Crytal Lake. It's a glorious day, birds are singing, the sun is shining and then a Tyderium shuttle screams over the lake and lands on the nearside bank crushing some wooden outhouse. Out steps Lord Vader. He looks around expectantly as the shuttle takes off... knocking over a nearby pylon on its way. Electricity sparks everywhere as the power cable drops ***conveniently*** into the lake. A huge flash later and Jason leaps from his watery grave ready for a bit of mindless slaying.
Nightmare : And here we go! Jason walks over to Vader with evil intent and Vader uses his force grip.... oh... Jason does not look well... oh.. hes.. dead.. arse.
Spooky : Oh.. well that was hardly worth the effort was it. Jason is out cold and flat on his back. The Ref is approaching Vader obviously going to give him the win. Well what an anti-climax.
Nightmare : Well you kinda had to have expected that to happen, Vader is not exactly a push over now is he?
Spooky : What a cheap bastar... *choke choke* i..mm... sso...rr..y.... *gasps for his breath*
Nightmare : hahaha
Spooky : ..guuggghh. *getting his breath back*. Well Lord Vader.. did I mention how fabulously shiny your helmet is today and how wonderfully you....FUCKED UP!!! Ha Ha, sith boy look behind you.
Vader tilts his head to the side in a confusing manner..
Nightmare : Oh my, it looks like that group of film directors in the corner were not just spectating, they have finished the script for the sequel already! and Jason is back... ohhh Kidney shot to Vader!
Spooky : Oh yeah baby, everybody?s favorite dead guy is back in the running. He's back like a thing possessed. Hitting Vader with a flurry of punches and ***THWACK*** thats a massive headbutt from the hockey fan and Vaders looking 'wobbly'.
Nightmare : Vader falls flat on his butt, Jasons raising the machete and poising to strike! but whats this? Vader shouts "..IF j00 strike me down I will become more l33t then you can ever imagine".. Jason looks puzzled.. ***CRUNCH!*** OH MAN, LOW BLOW! Jason is down!
Spooky : ILLEGAL MOVE!!! Ref get in there!!! Oh the humanity, Vader has force pushed the Ref into a tree and he's out cold. Christ Jason....get up!!
Nightmare : Vaders picking up Jason by the throat.. wow, Jason has gone for a short flight... courtesy of Force Airlines! where did that furnace come from? I dont think he is coming out of that one 'alive'..
Spooky : Oh, come on man... he's not been 'alive' for so long it's not funny. ***Bang*** oh, and thats the furnace door slamming in on him. A firey end to this match up. Nightmare, you're thoughts?
Nightmare : Well I thought it was an obvious victory for Vader.. but wait the Writers are huddled again, and Vader now looks as if he knows whats going to happen next. He tuts and looks quite disappointed and kicks up some dust in frustration..
Spooky : Well from this vantage point I can see the writers are nattering away furiously.. obviously trying hard to retain their artistic integrity despite cashing in on yet another sequel..... and they've broken up. ***RUMBLE*** Whats that noise?
Nightmare : Cheeky bastard! one of the writers is poking his tongue out at Vader! Vader returns the gesture by flippin' the bird!
Spooky : Now thats not the usual refinement expected of a Dark Lord. ***Rumble*** What the hell is that noise?
Nightmare : Never mind that.. what is that god awful stench.. have you dropped one again?!
Spooky : NO! Well not in the last 5 minutes... besides my arse doesn't smell of burning flesh. ***RUMBLE RUMBLE RUMBLE*** What the fuc... ***BANG*** Christ on a bike did you see that??? That furnace just shot, what must be, 200 ft in the air. And Jason is back again... standing in the crater where that furnace used to be. You can't keep a good corpse down!
Nightmare : Hes running straight toward Vader.. ohh its over now! Vader whipped out his Sabre and cut Jason in half.. but look! the writer has pulled out his pen.. and his wallet! Vader slaps his forehead and curses at the sky.
Spooky : And Jason's up... again. This guys like the energizer bunny... He's getting closer to vader and ***KKKKZAPP***. Ooohh, that'll be the force lightning... Voorhees is lying smoking on the floor.
Nightmare : Bugger it all, those bloody writers are at it again. Vaders slumps his shoulders and walks over to Jasons 'corpse'.
Spooky : You're not gonna believe this but... Jasons up again. Christ this is getting old...
Nightmare : OUTSIDE INTERFERRANCE! A pack of storm troopers have turned up! they are shooting at the writers... but unsurprisingly missing every shot! meanwhile vader just kicked Jason in the shins.. ouch that looks uncomfortable.. Jason is hopping up and down and shouting at Vader lots.. Vader taps his watch a bit and then puts his hands on his hips and looks about.
Spooky : Those StormTroopers cant shoot for shit!
Nightmare : Fancy a quick half down the pub?
********SOME TIME LATER********
Spooky : Yawn... and Jason is down. And the writers appear to be signaling for some more biros and a bigger wheelbarrow of money... and those stormtroopers still can't hit shit.
Nightmare : ***RUMBLE RUMBLE*** what the F*$% is that?! ***CRUNCH*** LOOK WHERE YOUR GOING WITH THAT AT-AT! and it looks as if those writers wont be writing much anymore..
Spooky : Oooh, I hate it when that happens... writer goo just doesn't wash out. But somehow Jason is up again?? Without the writers?? Nightmare... whats going on here?
Nightmare : They look as if they are talking about something.. but Vader has just waved his hand in front of Jasons face, and Jason looks to have taken offence to that and has pulled out his Machete again... OH MY GOD! Jason has just cut his own head off!... dare I say it? I think its over!
Spooky : and just like Professional Wresting the ref has woken up and awarded the match to Vader! Vader wins! dammit!
Nightmare : Well there you go... now can you get this damn Ewok off my leg? I am starting to get cramp!
Voodoo : Hi guys! did I miss anything?!
Nightmare + Spooky : Bitch!