What If Max Payne Worked In IT Support?


It was an ealry Monday morning, the kind of morning you wish you could just lie in bed and forget about the world calling for you to get up and go to your post. The day started out the same as every other day, the sound of the alarm clock ringing in my head like a bomb strike siren in a German bunker during the war, in those days life was simpler, no thinking about what you were going to do the next day, treating each moment as if it would be your last. After expressing my anger at the device that had woken me from my perfect reality I made my way into the kitchen where the automatic coffee machine would extend a perfectly sluggy cup of caffine to help me through the morning... the only positive part of the morning life, the sweet taste of badly made coffee by a $10 heap of machinary. After my normal morning cleansing ritual I grabbed my leathers and left for the place I would spend the next 17 hours of my life... work.

*Ring Ring*, *Ring Ring*.. I could hear it chiming in the air before I had even set foot in the building, the sound of a million workers doing something to my systems that even the infants of tomorrow would have the common sense not to do, the systems scream out with their warning messages expecting the user to know what they did wrong, I mean how many times can you have the same error appear before realising that you can't do that? I can't complain if they knew what we knew then we would not be needed and I could sleep. The kettle finished boiling and the instant coffee stirred un-easily like a troubled child having bad dream, I had to wake up but the warm heat gentally rising from the mass of technolgy in the room made me feel sleepy. I kicked open the fire escape and made my way to the roof, my only retreat from the screaming cries of the phone sat on my desk. For a moment I was free, free of thought, pain and strain.. this was my world, high above the people below, thrashing around trying to meet deadlines and impress 'the man'... I was 'the man' but not the one the pen pushers try to impress but the man of my own world.

The clouds in the sky moved along impatiently like the morning rush in a Japanese underground, I decided returning to my desk was the honerable thing to do.. The phone rang just as I forseen, the first call of the morning was always the worst, "Hello, this is technical support.." I said, trying to sound like my life had meaning than this. "Is this technical support?", just as I was about to repeat my question they added.."..My Microsoft has stopped working", Being that almost all the software we ran here was Microsoft made, I concluded that this was going to be a long morning.

It would not be long until the 9am crackdown, things were going to get hairy and I could not do it alone. My partner in crime was by my side and we set to work. Everything was going as expected until we recieved multiple calls about slow access to the internet, normally we would let this one pass, like the first few nights you wake up coughing up blood and having trouble focusing but sooner or later you need to investigate. The packets were flowing out but the influx of data was more then the average multiplied twice over, something was wrong and I was the man to find out why. After much tracing of packets in and out of the building I ruled out all the candidates but one, I had the address and I grabbed my leather and made my way to the station.

I had a contact waiting for me, he always knew about this kind of thing but he always keep his feet clean of any interaction with the people involved but he trusted me. I got the information I needed and made my journey across town. The ride was unpleasent, the seats were like a newly weds bed sheets and the thick layer of smoke from the nicoteen addicted passengers on the train made me feel like I was trapped in a burning house although I think the burning house would have had a more interesting outcome. The train stopped and I left my seat and headed up the long stairs.

After a short but crowded walk to the building where my biggest adversary to date lived, I stopped to prepare myself for the moment of truth.. it was me or him.. my systems or his childish pranks... he was going down, my mind was made up. I burst through the doors to his appartment and dived behind the sofa, I heard a russling in the distance, he knew I was here for him. The drapes hanging over his windows gave off the impression that he spent most of his time in the dark and all of his money on a connection that was fast enough to bring down majour enterprises, I knew he was a big time spammer of private servers, his machine probably full of unpaid for software totaling costs of over $28,399. He had to be stopped.. My hearing was almost void and I rose out of my body as if I was not in complete control of what I was doing.. the room starting spinning around and my reactions sped up as if the world was going in slow motion.. I dived across the glass table and pulled out my dual Desert Eagles that I had been saving for the work's Christmas Do and I emptied both magazines into the slighty balding fat sloth of a man sat infront of a blurry dimly lit screen, he collapsed to the floor in a pool of blood and puss. The system used to flood my servers with packets full of crap blinked back at me as if to say that the operator was not required.. I checked my clip... I smiled.. I had one bullet left.. one shot straight into the drive of the system. I released my finger from the trigger, it was all over. I turned and walked out..

Apon returning to my desk I thought my evening of action and violence would give me new appriciation for the desk job in a small business on the south coast.

The phone rang... I only wish I had one more bullet, oh well.. roll on payday.


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