I've never really given it much thought before now. I suppose thats because it's never really bothered me before, It's kinda like when you're at school and some fatheaded retard of a kid takes the piss out of your complexion/name/hair (delete as applicable). You know its not the end of the world. It's not like anybody is going to give a fuck in ten million years time. But somebody said something to me today that had such a profound affect that for the first time in my life I was really bothered by somebody else's opinion of me.


Angst.

I hate angst. It's so conformist.



The thing that really surprised me about it was that it was so unprovoked. They just kinda came out with it. I suppose it must have been on their mind for a while and then some unknown catalyst released it on its unsuspecting audience, me. It's not to say that their comment was spiteful or of malicious intent it was just so unexpected and judgemental. It was like my entire existence was being summed up in one word. Everything I would ever achieve would be encompassed in this one tag hung securely round my neck and in this persons eyes I would never be able to escape it.


Daughter.

You,
Can spend an hour watching her sleep
Can spend a day watching her play
Can spend a lifetime watching her grow.

But you'll still miss the point.



Which kinda really puts a dampner on things when you are attracted to her. In that one statement she ensured that I would never make that bumbling, embarrasing attempt at socialising with her. Instead I just got defensive. Probably a little insulting, not that it matters. Her mind was made up. She had already consigned me to fate of her own choosing. Anything I did or said now was just icing on the cake.


Last time.

Never again,
I thought we were meant to learn,
Learn from our mistakes.
At least that's what I said last time.



It's not that I'm not self confident, or particularly anti-social and if we had met in any other circumstance there's no doubt in my mind that this situation would never have reared it's ugly head. But in her eyes my job is my life. So I work in IT, I guess I must love startrek. Well, you know what, I don't watch startrek. I have no idea the last time I saw anything to do with the x-files. I don't go to sci-fi conventions. I don't try and have sexual relationships with people who claim to be women via IRC. But all this is to no avail, I could do nothing to deny it.


Social Evolution.

I hate people, I dispise trying to fit in.
I don't see the point being packed in like cattle.
Unable to hear the person next to you.
Never knowing what to mime about.
I guess this is darwinism.
I must be a recesive gene.



In her pre-programmed, stereo typical view of what IT professionals are it was decreed then and there that I was a geek. A style-less, perpetually single, sci-fi nut with personal hygene levels found only in single cell life. But then I got to thinking about it. I was just as blinkered as I thought she was. I had already fallen into the very trap that I was getting annoyed about. Maybe she was being open-minded and looking at this from another angle, an angle too off the wall for me to comprehend.


Us too.

I'm different.
I'm individual.
I'm confrontational.
I'm original.
I'm nearly out of black nail varnish.



"So I bet you watch robot wars?". Arse.