Aye, it be that time. What time? The time you wish you had coffee and enough braincells left to murder with it of course. You're sitting there staring apathetically into the void, thinking mainly of ways to count beans.

You're bored

Well I've got news for you pal: So Am I. But instead of cropping it up and not doing anything with it, I decide to undo the state of insanity by applying myself to another installment of the in13h logs that make your life that much easier. A guide.

This is then the guide to boredom. I'm not going to teach you how to be bored. If you don't know how to do this, it's a sad time indeed. You're obviously not in line with int13h ways yet. I might have to do a YDKS about this, but for the moment, following spooky's example, I can't be arsed. Instead, let's look at the material at hand, and do a quick analysis.

Bored - 1) concept stemming from the verb 'to bore', state of active boredom 2) resulting effect of having a drill placed on any part of your body.

We will discuss issue (1). For those interested in part (2), please get out your electrical appliances now, and drill away. Bored knows many states. There is no such thing as "I am bored" other than that we're not more specific because we really are, bored. Instead it might be useful to create something that resembles a table of boredom, so that we may just holler out a number, and people will understand the perils you are facing by your lethargy.

PmI's Table-o-boredom legend:

BIN (bored index number) - the number of the.. why am I even explaining this one
BIN (bored identifying name) - the name for.. umm.. right...
BIN (bored information notice) - the notice for.. wait a minute....

[dystopic interest]
this state is characterised by a lack of interest of anything moving. Other people can check whether you have reached this state by bobbing you upside the head with a golf ball in a tube sock. If you respond, you're not really bored

[lucid faintance]
You find yourself falling between the waking world and lalaland, where you can't really separate the two. While mentally bored, the body will actually do all sorts of muscle twitched to try and maintain a slightly upright position

Not your regular sleep, and not a real boredom, sleep is a transitional phase that you must pass through, no matter how short, in order to reach the more, shall we say, profound, levels of boredom

there is no 3. it's odd, I think it's one of those mysterious levels of boredom we are not supposed to understand, ever, or face the annihilation of the universe as we know it. I'll let you know once I find it.

[zombified stupor]
you can see the world more clearly than ever before you just can't seem to tell anyone because you can't be bothered to actually move your lips more than it requires you to say "gaaaahhhhhhrhgrmof"

[lichelike leuphoria]
you will suck other people into being bored if you could only be arsed to move at all. It's at this level that zapping the TV channel, or moving your eyes even the slightest, will no longer happen

[savanti excelsis]
you have passed the level of brilliance that holds back the human race in it's natural tendencies. Everything's clear, because aside from tertiary brain functions, the brain has shut down. This means you've started deducing the meaning of the question for the meaning of existence.

[savanti excelsis' regret]
you found it. it's not all that...

[prolonged egality]
prolonged egality is found usually in areas characterised by large fields of the same color on geoplanes such as walls and floors. Sufferers from p.e. will be found staring at these geoplanes, unable to move, think, or speak. They have in effect, become works of art, debating rodin's "thinker" with more power than any bookwork ever could

[nature's epitome]
there's only two more steps to go. Your body has shut off vital functions like heartbeat for you, so you can enjoy the quiet. It will pump just enough blood to make the part of the brain that pumps the blood around work, work.

You see a light at the end of the tunnel. This is NOT the tunnel that people see when they die. This is the tunnel to a realm where bored has yet to be defined. It is the hell that one cannot escape from as stage 10 is unstoppable. It is the eternal history class, it is the perpetual lunch queue with all the company deadbeats. It is the clock cycle on a bean counter's spreadsheet program.

[you dead...]
and there's not much else. All the boredom got to you in a way that can only give you relief by ending it all.


Does the boredom end when we die? Will we finally be able to realise our dreams when we pass away, to float away from these carbon based vessels and apply our mind in it's purest state? The answer of course, is no.


Because otherwise no one would take the flipping time to channel their crummy info back to this earth and poke fun at it's inhabitants for being such boring idiots. Which means that on the whole, I think we can list 'bored' as a universal constant having the mathematical properties of being a vector on a geoplane defined in the measurement of boredom: the bore.

Which secretly takes us to point (2) anyway. I recommend using mm instead of partial inches. It makes for more precise drill holes.

You've been a wonderful audience, now excuse me as I drop a brick on my foot and see if I flinch.


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