YDKS about Time

YOU DONT KNOW SHIT ABOUT TIME

Time(n. A nonspatial continuum in which events occur in apparently irreversible succession from the past through the present to the future. adj. Of, relating to, or measuring time.)

Time, its constantly on our minds. "What is the time?", "Excuse me, do you have the time?", "Is it time to go home yet?", "Goddamn it, its only 2:32pm" and "Voodoo's 2 hours and 43 minutes late!" are some of the phrases used when talking about time. It seems our lives are ruled by time, anything and everything we do is always associated with this mystical number that tells us when to go to lunch, when to goto bed, when your favorite TV show is on and annoyingly enough when the pub stops serving alcohol, the latter you will learn a shocking truth about during this article.

"Time is nothing more then a perception"
Lets start out with the outlining argument. It's 11:30am and you know that at 12:00pm you can go down the pub for lunch, you stare at the clock hoping time would hurry up and progress so that you can make your way down the old battle cruiser for a swift half. Try as you will to detract from this apparent fact but time is going slower because you want it to hurry up. Notice how those next 30 minutes seem to be taking forever.

"Notice how those next 30 minutes seem to be taking forever"
Now, the opposing argument to this is doing something fun, we will use a clean version of this so you will at least read the rest of the article before closing your browser and never returning to our 'mature' site. You fire up your brand new game (which seems to take an ice age to install) and you get set for a weekend of hardcore gaming, you've got your big bag of dipping chips and some reserves of liquid refreshment (be it your favorite alcoholic beverage or some refreshing fizzy soft drink), you are all excited from reading the reviews and you are convinced that this '40+ hours of gaming delight' will have your time well and truly wasted for the next few days. Game start at 12:24, 5 levels later and you notice that its now 20:39. What happened? you barely blinked and what you thought was an hour of gaming turned into an 8 hour blur. How could it have gone by so quickly? you did not even notice, you did not want that time to go by so quickly.

"you did not want that time to go by so quickly"
What this all suggests is that time is totally inconsistent and time moves inproportionately to what you want. When you want time to hurry up, time will pass slowly and inversely when you want time to slow down it will infact speed up. Now this causes quite a mess as this theory would mean that everyone would be out of sync with each other, for some people time is passing quickly and for others time is passing at a very slow rate. How does everything remain in sync? well it doesn?t, it just does not go out of sync by much. To stop things going out of sync by too much your body makes you goto sleep, during which time 'time' will re-adjust to a more relevant state. If your day went by fast then your sleep time will be slowed down and vice-versa. This is why some people wake up in the morning thinking that they only just went to sleep a short while ago, this was because the day before was so slow that during sleep time sped up.

Well with the main theory behind all this out the way we can move onto some experiments, after all what YDKS would be complete without an experiment or two.


Experiment # 1

Try to download a file from fileplanet, one that you really really want. First off you will be placed in a queue (if you are not then you obviously did not want the file that much). I will visualize this experiment for you, the pictures should speak for themselves (I have added a screenie of the windows system tray time in the top right corner of the image for reference)...


In the top picture you will see that I have 60 Minutes left in the queue and the 'time' is 10:52am. the bottom picture shows 59 Minutes left in the queue and the 'time' is 10:55am. Now there are a lot of factors to take into account here, they did put 'estimated time' but the reason they put that there is because they cant tell how many people queuing really want the file or are just downloading the file because they are bored. The more someone wants the file the longer they will queue , for casual queue?ers that are only getting the file because it is something to do they will queue less.

Need something a bit more solid then that?


Experiment # 2

This one might take a while. Sell your home, all your possessions and move to London or New York. Its time to go shopping, purchase as cheap as possible...

1 ragged coat
1 shoe
1 trainer / sports shoe
1 wooly hat
1 torn pair of trousers
X amount of cheap cider

Ideally you want to find all this stuff in bins, outside Oxfam or something similar but as they say beggars cant be choosers after all, that?s what this experiment is all about. Next stage is to start drinking heavily until you pass out, once awakened continue to drink your fine bottle of cider until you passout. Continue this until either a) you are taken seriously ill and end up in a skip somewhere or b) you realise that this was not a good idea. By this 'time' you will notice that it has been many months even years. How did this all happen? one word.. alcohol.

Alcohol is the only constant in the universe and the only thing that has the ability to increase time beyond mental comprehension, when you are under the influence of alcohol all time becomes compressed seconds/minutes/hours/days/months/years/ice ages all pass in a very swift manor, did you notice? no because you were having fun and enjoying yourself. The problem with this is that the more you drink the faster time speed increases for the comsumee, some people cant handle the increase in speed and vomit thus removing the alcohol from their system and the body almost instantly starts the sleeping process to make up for lost time. The other way to stop the rapid consumption of alcohol and the increase in time speed is the dreaded 'time' bell down the local pub, why do you think they shout "time gentlemen, please".


Experiment # 3 (bonus experiment)

Get a clock and stare at it for 5 hours, notice how those 5 hours seem to take longer to pass then if you were doing something interesting? I rest my case =)


We have talked about liquids like Alcohol speeding up time but there is a opposite to alcohol known as Caffeine. If you don?t know about caffeine by now then why have you not read the guide to coffee. This has the total opposite effect to alcohol, as consumption of caffeine results in 'time' slowing down, but with the added bonus of awareness. When heavily caffeine'd you will feel that you are faster then time, everything you do is quick but everything around you is still moving at the same speed. The flip side of this is once the effects have worn off the body puts in its usual request for sleep (the yawn) and then as you sleep the body returns your time to a level again. You wake up totally unrefeshed and aching for another coffee.

So in conclusion to all these examples and experiments its plain to see that time is not constant and when you think to yourself "blimey that day went quick" you are indeed right. As for me, I just noticed its lunchtime.. where the hell did that morning go?

Oh and dont forget.. you do know shit about time!

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