FSL - Episode 02

The adventures of captain obvious, and his trusty sidekick, sarcasm boy

Episode 2: Looping Lasers of Lement!

Capt. Obvious : "By the mounds of the parthenon sarcasm boy, I do believe we're in a tight one this time!"

Sarcasm Boy : "Which of course could only have been deduced by your amazing intellect, because just having a giant laser aimed at you doesn't quite give it away."

Capt. Obvious : "Cease your babbling young one, we must devise a dastardly dash out from this perillous position of procarity!"

Sarcasm Boy : "I'm amazed you can fake eloquence under these extreme conditions."

We find our not quite super heroes held captive by the evil doctor fantasmo, who -with his army of evil henchmen- is planning to take over the world using a giant laser cannon.

Doctor Fantasmo : "Myaaaaahahahahaha! you will be destroyed by this most powerful laser I have constructed using my massive fantasmo intellect!"

Sarcasm Boy : "Which, I take it, you will use not just to take over the world, but through some amazing force of coincidence also comes with a power setting suitable for indoor use."

Doctor Fantasmo : "Of course! No superweapon would be complete without an indoor setting!"

Sarcasm Boy : "Right."

Capt. Obvious : "You have to admit sarcasm boy, any major globally destructive weapon without an indoor setting is a potential hazard around the house."

Sarcasm Boy : "As opposed to a hazard to the world."

Capt. Obvious : "You have to see things in perspective."

Sarcasm Boy : "Like having it pointed at the vital organs?"

Capt. Obvious : "As I said before, cease your babbling boy. we must think of a way out!"

Doctor Fantasmo : "Now, as I was saying, you will be destroyed by my fantasmo laser, and I shall have the last laugh!"

Sarcasm Boy : "I'd think of something clever to say, but I'd just be wasting my time really."

Capt. Obvious : "Yes, for instance, you would be of great help in thinking of A WAY OUT OF HERE"

Sarcasm Boy : "Remind me again, who's the superhero here?"

Capt. Obvious : "Hero"

Sarcasm Boy : "Excuse me?"

Capt. Obvious : "Hero. not superhero."

Sarcasm Boy : "Right, okay, hero."

Capt. Obvious : "That would be me."

Sarcasm Boy : "I need to find a different line of work."

Doctor Fantasmo : "Are you two quite finished?"

Capt. Obvious and Sarcasm Boy : "Sorry."

Doctor Fantasmo : "AS I WAS SAYING...."

Doctor Fantasmo : "I will DESTROY you with my POWERFUL LASER!"

Sarcasm Boy : "No! the horror!"


Capt. Obvious : "Honestly sarcasm boy, we may be trapped by the man, but that's no reason to keep interrupting him."

Sarcasm Boy : "Maybe cnn is hiring..."

Doctor Fantasmo : "As I was saying, I will kill you with this here laser, which has indoor setting, and after that I can get on with taking over the world."

Sarcasm Boy : "With the same laser."

Doctor Fantasmo : "Yes.. Yes, with the same laser."

Capt. Obvious : "These metallic armlink things are quite well designed."

Doctor Fantasmo : "Why thank you, I designed them myself."

Capt. Obvious : "How do they work?"

Doctor Fantasmo : "It's really simple when you know the mechanism. it works on a counterforce principle."

Sarcasm Boy : "Did you just give away how to open them?"

Doctor Fantasmo : "No, no, that would be silly. I'd give away how to open them if I demonstrated."

Capt. Obvious : "No really, how do they work? I'm rather fascinated, I can't seem to get loose at all."

Doctor Fantasmo : "You flatter me. here, let me demonstrate."

A few clicks and a snap later, and we find our heroes in the middle of a quick dash towards the room's only door, leaving a slightly bewildered doctor fantasmo to ponder the consequences of his actions.

Sarcasm Boy : "I would have bet anything that wasn't going to work."

Capt. Obvious : "Never underestimate the ego of a derange genius, sarcasm boy."

Sarcasm Boy : "Of course you also have a cunning plan for once we get outside this room and have to face a potential army of a few hundred evil henchmen."

Capt. Obvious : "Of course!"

Sarcasm Boy : "Which is..."

Capt. Obvious : "We run!"

Sarcasm Boy : "Maybe NBC..."

While our heroes make their getaway, we find doctor fantasmo operating a dazzling array of button panels in flashing primary colours, paired with a cacaphony of bleeps and blips. Not soon after a loud alarm is heard, and the fantasmo stronghold is permeated with the sense that not all is quiet well. A voice breaks through the intercom, as our heroes clear another corner in the maze that is the second basement floor of the fantasmo complex.

Doctor Fantasmo : "You can run, but you can't hide captian obvious! my stronghold is equiped with motion sensors and cameras throughout!"

Capt. Obvious : "Ha! Little does he know we don't actually intend to hide, but want to ruin his plans for world domination!"

Sarcasm Boy : "Which we will accomplish by running away from the only room in the complex that houses a globally destructive weapon."

Capt. Obvious : "Now look here sarcasm boy, you can't just run in and destroy the machine, this takes planning."

Sarcasm Boy : "Remind me what we did before we came here to stop doctor fantasmo?"

Capt. Obvious : "We designed an extensive battle plan that would allow us to stop doctor fantasmo's evil doing!"

Sarcasm Boy : "And why aren't we following THAT plan?"

Capt. Obvious : "Because we hadn't planned on getting caught"

Sarcasm Boy : "So I was thinking, what about TheRegister? Are they hiring?"

Capt. Obvious : "Come sarcasm boy, if memory serves correct, then the next room up ahead is connected to the main weapons control room through a set of ventilation shafts and air ducts"

As our heroes make it to the door, they are unpleasantly surprised to find the entry blocked by mostly laser gun wielding henchmen of evil-doing doctor fantasmo.

Capt. Obvious : "Great zounds! the enemy is well armed and amassed around our primary objective!"

Sarcasm Boy : "Our primary objective is now a door?"

Capt. Obvious : "What would you rather it be?"

Sarcasm Boy : "Saving the world?"

Capt. Obvious : "That will be our primary objective once we clear THIS primary objective."

Sarcasm Boy : "I'm so glad I'm your sidekick."

Capt. Obvious : "Now a quick tactical deduction. There are seven evil henchmen wielding what would appear to be laser weaponry. What do we carry?"

Sarcasm Boy : "Dazzling looks."

Capt. Obvious : "I don't see how that will help us in that particular situation."

Sarcasm Boy : "You try to stun them by flashing your good looks and hope they swoon."

Capt. Obvious : "I'm still hoping there's a better way."

Sarcasm Boy : "Or, alternatively, we could use our obvious sidearms."

Capt. Obvious : "Good thinking sarcasm boy!"

Sarcasm Boy : "Oh trust me, that didn't require thinking..."

Mere moments later, the evil henchmen are disposed of, and the more plot-involved room is entered by our heroes, in the hope to reach the weapons control room undetected.

Meanwhile, doctor fantasmo is working on a devious plot (another kind though) to give our heroes a warm and multilegged welcome in the form of a most fantasmic automated contraption of doom.

Capt. Obvious : "Ha! through these airducts we will be in the weapons control room in no time!"

Sarcasm Boy : "Wait, I have this feeling of deja vu."

Capt. Obvious : "Don't worry sarcasm boy, that's just the matrix updating itself."

Sarcasm Boy : "Excuse me?"

Capt. Obvious : "Oh, I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me there."

Sarcasm Boy : "Getting back to OUR story, do you even know where we're going?"

Capt. Obvious : "Of course! weapons control is the third duct up ahead left, then on for 2 intersections, then directly right, and down."

Sarcasm Boy : "So how do you actually know this?"

Capt. Obvious : "Past experience."

Sarcasm Boy : "You're not making the feeling of deja vu go away."

With some effort, captain obvious and sarcasm boy find the final vent that leads straigh into the weapons room. From the grating, the horribly imposing giant laser that will mean the death of millions and subjugation of more stands in an eerie limelight, as if to drive the point home that it is the main player in the chapter of mankind's new era of fantasmic rule.

Capt. Obvious : "Ah, here we are. Are you read sarcasm boy?"

Sarcasm Boy : "You mean we're actually going to act superhero like?"

Capt. Obvious : "Hero."

Sarcasm Boy : "What?"

Capt. Obvious : "You said 'super hero' again."

Sarcasm Boy : "Oh, right, my bad."

Capt. Obvious : "That's okay. So, are you ready?"

Sarcasm Boy : "Let me check the deductibility on my insurance and I'll get back to you on the issue."

With a loud noise captain obvious and sarcasm boy bust through the grating and right into the arms of a fantasmic spiderbot that was waiting right under the airducts for our heros to emerge from. With deadly efficiency the two are guided to a large metal wall in front of the laser, where they are hung up suspended a few inch off the ground, locked in unbreakable armlinks of fantastic design!

Doctor Fantasmo : "Hahaa! You have fallen right into my trap captain obvious! Now I shall dispose of you using my giant laser and conquer the world as planned!"

Capt. Obvious : "Confound it, sarcasm boy, I do believe we're in a tight one this time!"

Sarcasm Boy : "Which of course could only have been deduced by your amazing intellect, because just having a giant laser aimed at you doesn't quite give it away."

Capt. Obvious : "Cease your babbling young one, we must come up with a cunning conception that will give us the upper hand in stopping this stupendous stalemate that we seem to have unwittingly become part of!"

Sarcasm Boy : "I'm still amazed you can fake eloquence under these extreme conditions."


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