The adventures of captain obvious, and his trusty sidekick, sarcasm boy
Episode 3: All out of beans
Its another average day at the FSL's secret hideout, we find our heroic group of freedom fighters sat around the meeting table in a state of emergency. As the shouting and screaming reach fever pitch the voice of reason speaks out...
Capt. Obvious : "The situation maybe a little bleak but drastic times call for drastic measures..."
Sarcasm Boy : "No, you can't be serious!"
Capt. Obvious : "We have all feared this but we all knew it was coming, it was inevitable."
Indecisive Man : "Yes its true, we knew this time would come... didn't we?"
Sarcasm Boy : "Thankfully we prepared for this then..."
Rhymes-with Girl : "We need to stop with the talking and get with the walking, its not that far we could just take the car"
Capt. Obvious : "Your absolutely right Rhymes-with Girl! We need to resolve this situation quickly... innocent lives are at risk!.. and we are out of coffee!"
[Cue dramatic music]
Capt. Obvious : "To the coffee store!"
Our fearless heroes make their way down toward their local Coffee shop in the Flying Rat Mobile when terror strikes...
Capt. Obvious : "Let me get this straight, you are out of coffee?"
Sarcasm Boy : "Yet you are still open, fascinating."
Capt. Obvious : "So there is no coffee at all?"
Shop Owner : "Look, the shipment never arrived this morning and that guy just bought the entire shop's reserve."
Capt. Obvious : "I see..."
Meanwhile in a secret location the villainous Mullet Man is relaxing after a hard days villainy.
Henchman #1 : "All stocks within a 70mile radius has been accounted for sir."
Mullet Man : "And the shipments coming into the harbour?"
Henchman #2 : "All ready under inspection."
Mullet Man : "Excellent, soon I will have Rejects Ville's entire supply under my control and then Project B6 will be ready... haha... hahahaha... MMMWWAHAHAHAA"
Henchman #2 : "Shall I gather the others?"
Mullet Man : "Ah yes, tell them I shall be with them just as soon as I have spoke with the doctor..."
Mullet Man turns to the big screen to address his leader.
Dr. Impatient : "Are we ready then?"
Mullet Man : "Soon, I predict we shall be finished on schedule."
Dr.Impatient : "Make sure you are, you know what will happen if you mess this up again."
Mullet Man : "Trust me, nothing can go wrong now."
Capt. Obvious : "This just doesn't seem right, surely you must have something."
Shop Owner : "Well seeing as its you, I do have some instant out the back.. I go grab some."
Capt. Obvious : "Nah its ok, we will live."
Sarcasm Boy : "After all this is the only shop in town."
Capt. Obvious : "You see that is where you are wrong Sarcasm Boy, there are many... shops... in... I did it again didn't I?"
Sarcasm Boy : "You would have thought you would worked it out by now, it's only been 3 episodes. Hint is in the name.."
Capt. Obvious : "Quite. Well we have a critical mission ahead of us and it's almost lunch time, lets roll!"
We peer in on Mullet Man as he rushes around in preparation of Dr.Impatients evil scheme.
Mullet Man : "Dammit man, what's taking so long?"
Henchman #1 : "Well you know things would go faster if you helped out instead of barking orders all the time."
Mullet Man : "Need I remind you who is in charge around here?!"
Henchman #2 : "Dr. Impatient?"
Mullet Man : "No.. well yes... Shut up and get that laser online!"
Henchman #2 : "Why always with the lasers, you know I have worked with many supervillans and it's always with the damn lasers, I am sick of it. When will you realise they don't work?"
Mullet Man : "..."
Henchman #1 : "Yeah its like they spend all this time preparing and setting the place up with a huge laser and then when its finished they wait until the superheroes arrive before they use it."
Henchman #2 : "Wow this isn't your first time on the job is it?"
Henchman #1 : "I worked with a few before in the past, you know that Dr. Infernos, he was really quite a piece of work, only took him 3 days to work out that the town centre was north of his place not south, I was saying all along 'it would be better pointing that way'..."
Mullet Man : "..I don't mean to interrupt your little talk but WHY ISNT MY LASER READY!?!"
Henchman #2 : "Ok ok.. keep your hair on!"
Henchman #1 : "Hahaha nice one"
Henchman #2 : "Oh yeah hahah"
Mullet Man : "You know I kill people for less then that.... and you aren't going to be an exception.. Guards!"
Having walked everywhere they could think of, Capt. Obvious and Sarcasm Boy finally give into the fact that there isn't any coffee around to buy.
Capt. Obvious : "This is just hopeless Sarcasm Boy, we are never going to find any coffee. Its almost like someone has stolen all the supplies in the area."
Sarcasm Boy : "You think!?"
Capt. Obvious : "Now now, no need to get all cranky."
Sarcasm Boy : "Can we go home now? I am missing Fear Factor."
Capt. Obvious : "Wait! can you smell that Sarcasm Boy?"
Sarcasm Boy : "I told you I am not playing that game again."
Capt. Obvious : "No, it smells like... yes, yes it is!"
Capt. Obvious + Sarcasm Boy : "COFFEE!!"
Sarcasm Boy : "Over there.. that window!"
In a mad panic our two heroes dive toward the window of the warehouse, once inside they make a dash for the coffeemaker with out realising who was pouring out strong cup o' joe.
Mullet Man : "No, you aren't supposed to be here!!"
Capt. Obvious : "Out of the way!"
Mullet Man : "No, you can't be here.. not now.. we aren't ready yet!"
Sarcasm Boy pushes Mullet Man out the way and starts pouring himself a tasty brew, meanwhile Mullet Man starts to sob has his months of planning come crashing down.
Mullet Man : "But how did you find me, I have been so careful.. *sobs* we haven't even prepared the torture chambers... it's just not fair!"
Capt. Obvious : "Oh yeah, that's the stuff.. hey you got any sugar?"
Mullet Man : "But... But...."
Sarcasm Boy : "Here..."
Mullet Man : "This isn't fair..."
Capt. Obvious : "Cheers, man thats the stuff... oohh yeah"
Mullet Man : "Hang on a minute, you guys arent here to stop my evil plans?"
Capt. Obvious : "You what now? hey got any donuts?"
Mullet Man : "Yes of course on the sid.. HEY! GUARDS!!"
Capt. Obvious : "Ok ok, dont be so touchy."
Mullet Man : "No one and I mean no one but me has the jelly filled cream donuts."
In true FSL style we find our Heroes shakled up in the 'still under construction' tourture room
Sarcasm Boy : "Oh I love what you are doing with this room, I particually like the way those loose cables are dangling about the shark pool"
Mullet Man : "You will have to excuse the mess, as I said before we werent expecting you for at least a few more days. I mean for crying out loud the plasterers werent even booked uptil this morning, we wanted them in yesterday but the plummers werent finished so we had to reschedule them but they couldnt do today so it had to be tomorrow.. you know this villainy stuff isnt as easy as they make it out to be.."
Sarcasm Boy : "Oh ofcourse.. must be murder getting all this shit together."
Mullet Man : "You don't know the half of it, some of these henchmen can be right little slackers, people just dont understand that I have to do more then just sit on a chair and laugh evily.. its a 15 hour day for me!"
Capt. Obvious : "Wow, I don't even work that long.. well not unless we get caught and have to escape... which to be honest is pretty much every other week... haha, am I right Sarcasm Boy or what?"
Mullet Man : "Hehe yeah, remember that time when we had you above those radioactive seals? I still to this day not know how you got out of there.. honesly.. it keeps me up at night sometimes."
Capt. Obvious : "Ah yes.. that was a good one. Very creative, most other super villans were still on the cutting disks in those days.."
Mullet Man : "Hey you wanna hear my new laugh? I have been working on it for a while but I am still unsure.. please be honest..."
Sarcasm Boy : "Erm, sorry to break this great thing we have going but could I get a refill here?"
Mullet Man : "Oh sure, sorry where are my manners? but when I get back you have to hear my evil cackle.. seriously it will not disappoint.."
Mullet man returns to the caffeteria to get Sarcasm Boy some more coffee..
Capt. Obvious : "You know what, I am really starting to like that guy..."
As Mullet man returns to the tourture room he cant help but get the feeling that he has been duped, expecting the heroes to have escaped he walks into the room with his head down and shoulders slumped.
Mullet Man : "I do this to myself I swear, I just fall for these things every time."
Sarcasm Boy : "Oh did you remember the donuts?"
Mullet Man : "Oh you are still here!? you.. you.. havent escaped?"
Capt. Obvious : "Normally an opportunity arises and we break loose but it just didnt happen this time.. either that or I missed it."
Sarcasm Boy : "So anyway.. about those donuts?"
Mullet Man : "You guys really arent here to stop me today are you?"
Capt. Obvious : "We could come back tomorrow if it's more convenient?"
Mullet Man : "That would be swell, you guys are the best.. thank you thank you."
Capt. Obvious : "Could we get two cups to go?"
Mullet Man : "Don't be silly, there is a city wide shortage of this stuff didnt you know?"
Sarcasm Boy : "Really? nahhh"
As our heroes are let out the back door of the Warehouse Capt. Obvious walks with along with a somewhat satisfied look on his face.
Sarcasm Boy : "What are you smiling about?"
Capt. Obvious : "I managed to swipe his mug while you were asking about that fish tank by the door."
Sarcasm Boy : "Now that's just rude."
Capt. Obvious : "Yeah but what are you going to do eh?"
Sarcasm Boy : "What they hell is that you are stiring it with?"
Capt. Obvious : "I am guessing its some kind of fancy artsy fartsy spoon of sorts. I will give it back to him tomorrow, what time did he say? 10:30?"
Back in the warehouse Mullet Man tries to get one up on our heroes by test firing his laser early.
Mullet Man : "Fire it... FIRE IT NOW! mmwwahaaahah"
Henchman #1 : "But sir.."
Mullet Man : "I have had enough of your back chat... just fire it!"
As the beam powers up there is some clicking noises.
Mullet Man : "What's that noise?"
Henchman #3 : "The gear coupler is missing!"
Mullet Man : "But it was right there.. next... to... my... ARGH!!!!!"