The adventures of captain obvious, and his trusty sidekick, sarcasm boy
Episode 4: Kill Bob Vol 1
Special Guest Director : Quentin Tarantino
Dr. Impatient : "... So I asked him one more time 'look buddy, I don't have all day, you can tell me where the body is or I will have to put a wig on your corpse and see if the old man cant tell the difference, ka-pish?' *laughs*"
Mullet Man : "*laughs* so what happened next?"
Dr. Impatient : "Well after that he sung so loudly he wouldn't have needed a wig to convince the old man if you know what I mean."
Fantasmo : "I tell you, half of my day is wasted by scum that think they can out last my torture devices but without them I wouldn't have been voted dungeon master of the year three times running now would I?"
Grinder : "Its true he has the most evil dungeon I have ever seen, take it from me, if Fantasmo asks you if you want to come round for a beer say no, I was stuck in that rack for three days!"
Mullet Man : "You're not wrong there Bob.."
Grinder : "I told you 'Frank' don't call me Bob, I am The Grinder!"
Mullet Man : "What kind of name is that? sounds like a bad play on Shredder from that Turtles cartoon years ago."
Don the Don : "Gentlemen, enough with the horsing around. Its time to get to work, lets settle up and get out of here."
Fantasmo : "Who didn't chip in? there is only a $20 tip here."
Mullet Man : "I don't tip."
Dr. Impatient : "What do you mean you don't Tip? do you know how much these waitresses make?"
Mullet Man : "So? if they don't like it they can quit, I didn't get to where I am by relying on other peoples hand outs."
Grinder : "No, you threatened the Government with Nuclear weapons."
Mullet Man : "Exactly. Judge me all you want, I couldn't care less. Do you know how much this hair gel costs? It isn't cheap damn it."
Don the Don : "Enough, Mullet Man pay the damn tip and lets get out of here."
Mullet Man : "Fine, whatever in the spirit of the job I will, just this time though."
Don the Don : "Lets go."
Meanwhile at FSLHQ...
Captain Obvious : "Can't evil sleep for just a day sarcasm boy? just one goddamned day?"
Sarcasm Boy : "There is no rest from the forces of evil."
Captain Obvious : "Its almost like they are trying to ruin my day. What are we supposed to do?"
Sarcasm Boy : "Personally I would choose the blunt knife."
Captain Obvious : "You are crazy man, that never works. You need the BBQ Prongs, never have they failed me."
Sarcasm Boy : "We should just take it back, Dr. Impatient is a decent chap, I'm sure he wont mind giving us our money back."
Captain Obvious : "Just let me have one more try with the fork, if that doesn't work then we will just take it back. God damn these waffles are so good, even when they are burnt and scraped from the iron."
Sarcasm Boy : "Pass the jam..."
Captain Obvious : "Just a minute, almost got the cover open."
Sarcasm Boy : "Thats it, just put all your weight behind it."
Captain Obvious : "Almost.. alllmost...*crack*"
Captain Obvious : "Be a good boy and fetch the fire extinguisher."
In a dimly lit warehouse in the middle of nowhere...
Don the Don : "There can be no screw ups, you mess up and you will be punished. No second chances, if you cant handle the pressure then you can walk now."
Mullet Man : "Come on Don, we are all professionals here, for gods sake we have been doing this crap for years"
Don the Don : "I don't care if you are Professional Mc.Perfect, just don't screw up and you will have nothing to worry about"
Dr.Impatient : "Whats the hit?"
Don the Don : "I was just getting to that until the talking Afro started churping. We are going to hit the FSL HQ."
Grinder : "You know where the FSL HQ is Don?!"
Don the Don : "I am almost certain of its locations, we haven't been able to observe the insides of the building but every unit we have sent there hasn't come back."
Dr.Impatient : "Lets go then, what are we waiting for?"
Fantasmo : "You cant just walk into the FSL HQ, we need a plan and guns... and sharks, ooh and radioactive herrings"
Mullet Man : "Don't get carried away Fantasmo, lets here what Don has to say."
Don the Don : "Forget what I was going to say, the radioactive herrings idea was way better than the pack of angry shrews I was thinking about."
In the dark cavernous lair of Dr. Impatient...
Captain Obvious : "Strange, no one seems to be home."
Sarcasm Boy : "Maybe they just cant hear you."
Captain Obvious : "Could be, lets try the window."
Sarcasm Boy : "I am sure he wont mind us using the massive hole in the wall we made last time when we stole his waffle iron."
Captain Obvious : "Good point."
Captain Obvious : "HELLO?"
Sarcasm Boy : "No one home.. usually this place is bustling with all kinds of evil."
Captain Obvious : "Look there is a guard, lets ask him if he knows where the Doc is."
Sarcasm Boy : "Of course, why didn't I think of that of course he is just going to tell us, we are all friends around here anyway."
Captain Obvious : "Good evening to you good sir, you wouldn't happen to know the where abouts of Dr. Impatient do you?"
Henchman #1 : "Ha! you think he lets us peons know where he is? that would be a security risk for a start."
Captain Obvious : "Of course, sorry to waste your time."
Henchman #1 : "Not a problem, I best be getting back to the reactor, those nukes don't build themselves eh?"
Captain Obvious : "They certainly don't thank you for your help."
Sarcasm Boy : "I.. but.. you.. he.. nukes.."
Captain Obvious : "Maybe he has a schedule in his office?"
Sarcasm Boy : "What just happened here? he said nukes. NUKES! Captain Obvious... How do you not see the bigger danger here? We have to do something."
Captain Obvious : "Come again?"
Sarcasm Boy : "Nevermind Captain Oblivious..."
Captain Obvious : "Huh?"
Outside the alleged FSL HQ, Don the Don's plan is finally coming to fruition...
Mullet Man : "How come I get stuck with you?"
Grinder : "Look, obviously you have some issues with me but can we not put them aside for now? we have a job to do."
Mullet Man : "Fine 'Bob'."
Grinder : "Oh I see whats going on here, you are jealous aren't you?"
Mullet Man : "Ha! jealous, are you taking the piss? what is there to be jealous of, a man who has cutting disc he found in the kitchen and uses a teatowel as a cape?"
Grinder : "Oh yeah? well at least I look somewhat meanacing, unlike someone who thinks a mass of hair is a 'power'"
Mullet Man : "Don't mess with the do Bob."
Grinder : "ARGH!"
Dr. Impatient : "Look at those two in that car, both as pathetic as eachother, lets just go in."
Fantasmo : "But Don hasn't given the signal yet."
Dr. Impatient : "Come on we can take them, we are the best ones anyway, the Mullet will just get in the way."
Fantasmo : "Fine but on my count. 5. 4. 3. 2. 1..."
Dr. Impatient : "What the hell? this isn't the FSL HQ.. its a... its a.."
Fantasmo : "STRIP CLUB! I call first dibs!"
Dr. Impatient : "Should we tell the oth.. whoa look at her, laters.."
Back at the Lair...
Captain Obvious : "Well he obviously isn't coming."
Sarcasm Boy : "You think?"
Captain Obvious : "I'll just leave the iron here with a our address, then he can just send the new one straight over."
Sarcasm Boy : "Genius, why didn't I think of that? but what if the draft blows the note off the table?"
Captain Obvious : "Hmm, we need some kind of paper weight."
Sarcasm Boy : "Here use this."
Captain Obvious : "Co.. ol.. cooling rod? where did you find it? sure its not important?"
Sarcasm Boy : "There were loads in that vault, I am sure they wont miss one. Now lets get out of here, sounds like some kind of crisis is going down and we don't want to be in the way."
Captain Obvious : "Of course, plus it feels like their air conditioning is on the fritz."